Blog

Adrienne's journal of her adventures.

soften

Last night, after my week's shoots and sessions were done, I met up with a few fellow lady bosses. Our group meets monthly to discuss our respective businesses and to provide each other with encouragement, laughs and tough love. 

We started out with dinner at The Grazing Goat. After a delicious lime salmon and bottle of red, my friend, Krista, handed each of us a thank you card. She had taken time to write me a personal message, expressing her appreciation and love. 

I opened my card and read Krista's cursive. In the middle of her note, which was both gracious and full of affection, she thanked me for my "soft heart."

Soft heart?

Did I read that write?

I reread the sentence. 

Yes. That's what she had written. 

"Thank you for your soft heart, listening ear and ever present encouragement."

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Huh? 

I don't know how I feel about this soft heart business.

But, that's cool. Krista loves me and I feel the love and that's all that matters. Carry on.

We then proceeded to head over to The Two Twenty for our meeting. At the start of the agenda, we have a ritual of each picking a Truthbomb from Joanne's deck (if you haven't heard of Truthbombs yet, you must google that stuff).

I pick my card. I flip it over. And it says this:

What. The. Hell.

I laugh out loud, as one does when the universe hands her two very clear signs.

Soften.

Soft.

What does this mean?

And why does this bother me so much?

I know why.

I know why I don't like any variations of that s word.

I learned from a young age to check my emotions. I learned that being sensitive was not acceptable. I learned that being observant and gentle was not as worthy as being outspoken and hilarious. 

In my mind, I equate soft-and-soften with not-as-good.

I do not want to be soft.

I want to be a badass, expressive and direct woman.

Yet, here is that soft word, back to back. 

I ask my friend, Krista, what she means by "soft heart." She tells me, "You feel your emotions deeply. You have a soft heart because you sink into them. You let yourself feel it all. It's not a bad thing."

Oh.

Huh.

Krista and the s words made me realize that how I choose to see myself is very different from how others see me. 

It made me realize that maybe I haven't been so good at hiding who I really am.

It made me realize that maybe having a soft heart is maybe a good thing.

It made me realize that I can be soft AND a badass, expressive and direct woman. 

It made me remember that I am on a journey of becoming who I really am.

So today, I find myself wondering, "Can I get out of the box of hard edges? Can I soften more? Can I accept my soft heart?" 

I think I can. 

I think it's time.

Bring on the s word.

Much love,
Adrienne

P.s. What quality would you say you are most certainly not...but perhaps you really are?

P.p.s. I bet it's not as bad as you think.

P.p.p.s. It might even be the key you've been looking for.

Adrienne Perrot